A Comment From Dr Debi Yohn About Losing Your Only
My current book, Losing Your Only is written to the Parents or Loved Ones that have lost an only child. This book is written from my own personal experience. When my only child was killed in a car accident, my life took a different path. I was living in Shanghai China. He was going to college in USA. In my grief, I discovered that my purpose is to motivate, and support parents and all clients live to their life potential. Losing a child is horrific, losing an only child brings it up a notch. So what do we do with that kind of experience? We have decisions to make. We can live or we can die with the child. I decided not only to live, but to thrive.
About Dr Debi Yohn
Dr. Debi Yohn is an international psychologist, author and speaker with 32 years experience living and working on 3 continents. Her work has taken her to Saudi Arabia for 7 years and Shanghai, China for 8 years. While in Shanghai, she founded “Lifeline Shanghai” a “911” service to help English speakers in need. She currently lives fulltime in Huatulco, Mexico and travels the world working with her clients, writing and managing her diversified business and charitable interests. To read Dr Debi’s full bio, visit
THE OTHER SIDE
I use the term the other side to refer to the place where we reconnect with our loved ones that passed on before us. In the Christian belief system, this place is heaven, but other cultures have other stories and names for it. Whatever your vision of the other side is, it must be a beautiful place.
Larry also began to receive messages from Levi. The night before the funeral, Larry woke up because he felt someone rubbing his head in his sleep. At six foot three, Levi stood eight inches taller than Larry and always looked down onto and rubbed his dad’s shaved head, which he said felt like velvet. This was an endearment of Levi’s that was between him and Larry. Larry found comfort in this dream, which he felt was Levi’s
way of letting him know he was okay.
I work with many clients that have lost a loved one. Often they lament about not having received any signs even though they so desperately want something that will let them know that the person who has passed is still part of their life. However, when they start to reflect they usually realize they have indeed been given signs, but have not been open to receiving them. Mid-sentence during a counseling session, they suddenly have an “Aha!” moment and remember something. For you it may not be something big and obvious, it may not be the sign you expect, but it is there.
The signs our Only sends us may take special, unexpected forms. There has always been a connection between Levi and hearts. When he was a toddler, he was a romantic—probably because his dad was. He would bring me flowers, sticks or rocks. As he got older, he would look for anything heart-shaped—rocks, shells, pieces of wood. He gave me hearts throughout his lifetime. I always exclaimed how beautiful they were and
I always kept them. They were my prized possessions. For my birthday or a special occasion, he would look for something heart-shaped. They became his signature.
At the funeral Celebration we held for Levi, my dear friend Carla approached me and gave me a very large heart-shaped box. She said, “I don’t know why I bought this for you, but I got this very strong message that you were supposed to have this.” At the time, I didn’t think of it as a sign or a message. I was just puzzled that someone would give me an empty box at such a time.
…. Since Levi’s passing, many of those who were close to him have received hearts. Levi’s dad has gotten the most, finding them on his airplane seat, his desk and in restaurants. Hearts aren’t the only messages I feel he sends. Music was a very big part of Levi’s life. He loved the radio and watching MTV, and had a vast collection of CDs. He also loved to dance.
Since his passing, I often hear a song in a store or wake up with a tune in my head and wonder if it’s him sending me a message. Sometimes the timing is just too perfect or the words are just what I need to hear. I like to believe that this is coming from Levi. It makes me smile.
Many skeptics will dismiss the idea that you are receiving signs. But regardless of whether the thing you interpret as a sign is merely a coincidence or not, enjoy it. Choose to believe. We won’t truly know how the universe works until we are on the other side. Until then, keep your mind and heart open to the possibility that your Only may contact you in some unique way. Parents who have lost their children often describe receiving signs from them, and most draw immense
comfort from this.
The Ultimate Test
In the dark hours that followed Levi’s death, I remember wondering if I was being punished for not initially wanting a child. With time, however, I realized these were the typical, unstable thoughts of a bereft person.
Losing your Only will test your spiritual belief as nothing else ever will. We can be angry with God and we may even doubt the existence of a higher power that takes away our child. In fact, our loss may be the ultimate test of our spirituality, one that forces us to truly live whatever religion or spiritual practice we have embraced. As parents we may have taught about the power of God, and that God is good.
We talked the talk, but walking the walk now proves hard. I continue to believe that God is good, and that we have been chosen for this experience for some reason we may never understand. For now, we have a choice—w e can die with our Only, or we can live a full and generous life.
We are sad for our loss. We miss them. We love them. But if we truly believe, we know our Only has moved on to a better place. They are with those who have passed on before them, which may include grandparents, other family members, friends and pets. So we can choose to feel grateful. We were given the gift of this child, and though our time with them was all too brief, we can smile knowing that they are happy, warm, fed, and healthy. After all, isn’t that what parents want for their children?
Prior to such an event, we may experience intuition without fully acknowledging it. After such an event, our intuition becomes more important. I believe we are all able to receive comfort intuitively, to accept guidance and consolation, be it in the form of kind words
and gestures from friends and family, silent strength from our higher power, or even signs from our Only. When you lose your Only, your spirituality may take a giant step forward.
Thank you for your interest in Losing Your Only, by Dr Debi Yohn. This is a very personal story which helped Dr Yohn discover her purpose – to motivate and support parents and others to live life to their highest potential. The digit version of the book is currently available at
. If you would like to be notified about the upcoming print and audio release, please visit this page and send Dr Debi your name and email address.
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